(c) Alex Masi – May not be used without permission
“Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to’.” ―Lao Tzu
(Torrey’s Note: I hope that after reading this post, you’ll think less about the ‘right time’ and the ‘right things’ and think more about the best feelings. And perhaps (just perhaps) you’ll think about what a “good life” means to you.)
For the last few years in particular, I have been overwhelmed. (If you already read my blog, you know I am stating the obvious – but I need to talk about this!)
I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about what I want – about what my desired life would look like. Realistically.
My heart was in the right place, juggling many balls and spinning multiple plates, but my life was a whirlwind. I couldn’t catch my breath. I put some measures in place to combat this issue with the Extreme Do-Over Experiment in 2012, but it still wasn’t enough. Instead of trying to be more efficient with my multi-tasking and bringing more onto my plate as a result, I should have been making things more intentional and simplified.
Instead of allowing myself to take a break from being over-stressed, I was putting on a protective outer coating of “Hey, I am fine. Let’s get more stuff done!” Does that sound familiar to you?
Lesson learned. Take it from me, you don’t want to do that.
I’m exhausted with trying to be the superhero. I’d much rather spend my days doing what I love.
What do I want and what do I love? I want a lot of things and love a lot of things, but let’s start with just two of those things:
- I want more stolen moments in my life. I love those.
- I want to do things that let me lose track of time and not feel guilty about it. I love that.
These are things that don’t come naturally for me. They have to be created.
Something had to change.
I needed to cut back on my demands, not rearrange and shuffle what I was adding on. So, I set out on a journey of discovery to find ways to better manage my time and focus on the things that were most important to me (and to us).
It all pointed to one thing: My calendar.
I took a good, hard look at that damn beast. It was wound up tight with no wiggle room. I did some soul searching to find out WHY it was so important for me to manage such a massive monster of a schedule. I realized I was trying to control my calendar in hopes of having better control of my life. I also realized that it was filled with things that made me ask myself, “Whose list or idea was this?”
Planning and scheduling is all good and well and has a certain value – we all need a road map to get where we want to go, but planning is also going to screw up everything good that is waiting to happen.
(And when it’s filled with things that fill other people’s agendas, it’s doomed for failure.)
My calendar and schedule was the key to living a life of over-commitment or a key to living my desired life. I just had to choose.
I am going to state the obvious again: I chose to live my desired life. I believe it leads to better ways of handling the days that don’t turn out as we had planned (which is pretty much every damn day when I sit down and think about it.)
BUT, there are some things I CAN plan to make my life more proactive than reactive …and let me have the time I need to do the things I love.
Here are the things I’ve done to declutter my schedule (so far)
1. Schedule time off before anyone else can eat it up.
First I gave myself two days off a week. Back-to-back. (You know, like most every American out there with real jobs!) Caregiving is a 24/7 job, so it’s not really a day ‘off’ but a day that I do nothing outside the most basic things that need done.
Then I scheduled one week off every sixth week through the entire year. (Five weeks “on”, one week “off”). That is a whole week for me to decompress…not catch up.
(If you read my last post, you’ll see I had my first week off for this year. It was a little hard making it happen at first because I am not accustomed to having a week off, but once I did it…the changes were profound.)
DEFINITION OF TIME OFF: Any time that isn’t considered work, that allows me to relax, twiddle, fiddle, doodle or just have fun. It doesn’t have to cost money and it doesn’t have to be a big, organized event.
TIP: If someone proposes a date for an appointment that falls on your blocks of time off, just say “Sorry, I am booked that day.” Treat yourself as your most important appointment (because you are!)
2. Schedule all routine appointments a year in advance.
I used to schedule routine things like haircuts, orthodontist appointments, etc. on the fly…when I remembered they needed to be done (and usually overdue) and then I was scrambling to fit it in at the last minute on an already-packed schedule. This year I went to all our service providers and asked them to schedule the appointments we needed for the whole year. The farrier (for all you city slickers, that’s someone who shoes our horses) comes every 8 weeks. The kids get their hair cut every 6 weeks. I get mine trimmed every 12 weeks (every other appointment for the boys). The kids see the orthodontist every six weeks. We go to the dentist every six months. Dan gets his hair cut every two weeks. (Yes, he’s still sporting his high and tight!)
Booyah! Everything is now on my schedule. Now they are all locked in and I am no longer scrambling to remember them or fit them into my calendar!
The bonus? None of these appointments conflicted with my ‘every sixth week off’ vacation time. It’s a miracle!
3. Define what is important to me and not anyone else.
I did this by answering these three questions:
- What kind of person do I want to be?
- What relationships are most important to me?
- What do I want to accomplish?
If something didn’t fit into the answers on this list, it doesn’t go on my calendar.
4. I acknowledged the fact I can’t do everything.
I can only do so much. I am saying “no” to anything that doesn’t meet the criteria in item #3. (I have to say ‘no’ to some things so I can say ‘yes’ to other things.)
5. Fill in fun things to do on my established days off.
This includes things I already know I love to do along with things I have never tried to do but want to. Examples include playing, dancing, napping, riding the horses, music, blogging and writing my book, reading, trying new recipes, decorating the house, taking up a new hobby, watching more sunrises and sunsets, exploring, antiquing, taking day trips, etc. Anything that makes me laugh, relax, create, learn or feel peace… I am doing it.
Life is too short to live in constant frustration. It’s time to stop doing and start being… and the best time to start is now.
I hope you’ll consider joining me in asking…
What do I want?
Where am I headed?
Who do I want along with me on that ride?
Then grab your calendar and start cleaning that sucker up.
Since I did this six weeks ago, I am here to say that my load is lighter, direction more clear than it’s ever been, and I understand one thing more fully than ever:
Being too busy has no importance in the grand scheme of life, especially if you aren’t acting…and living…like a human being.
(Here’s a glimpse of what a stolen moment looks like. After this photo was taken, I spent the day with my daughter-in-law and grand daughter having girl time together and getting pampered)
